Learning

I have learnt that it's far more easy to think and continue to think and duhhhh think!!! Real happiness lies in taking the first step and then the rest is history

Alive

There are days when your time drives you..task after task, day goes by, weeks, months pass. And then there will be a day quiet unique from all other days when suddenly you are astounded by life, you feel this energy to do things that are pretty much out of your comfort zone, you read, you sing, eat, dance...just for that one day you feel ALIVE

I used to have those ALIVE days quiet often and then my over simplified life took in charge and months & months passed by..

I have dreams but often lack passion except for the day when I feel alive and feel like conquering all my fears, surging ahead and being truly honest to my own self

I know tomorrow will not be the same. It will be yet another day, yet another failed dream.. until the next moment of feeling high, let me bake in the glory of Today..it’s my day..it’s my victory

Thinking about dew drop morning, beautiful sun rise, long walk, cup of tea, poetry and you

The Anna Wave

In all the media frenzy, noise & facebook updates, I wonder whether we are all looking for one size fits all solution. We as a society are big believers in fairy tale stories. We are looking for that one hero that will come and solve all our problems. Again keeping my critical faculties alive and not getting washed away by the masses, I wonder whether passing Lokpal bill or any other anti corruption bill for that matter will fix the broken system.
It’s my own personal view that if we are really looking for a change and want to fix the system, then we should adopt civilized means, choose our representative who can fight the elections against these big political dynasties and actually run the government and bring real “Change”. We talk about the big IT hub, the grey matter capital, why can't we really fix the problems in our own nation as we are trying to fix the problems of the big fortune 500 corporate. What is our hope in next elections if for example Congress does not win? The other options we have are BJP and the so called pseudo regional parties. This is the grimmest situation ever for a nation of 1.2 billion.
Anna, you are a hero for millions. I am sorry but I don’t believe that by passing the lokpal bill is any good if the government will continue to remain in the hands of people with fabricated pasts and malign intentions

And I miss you

7 long months...What a feat!!

I miss you the most when I need someone to wake me up...flip the blinds and let some light in...honey I hate waking up alone

I miss you the most when I have to check the mailbox ..the walk to the mailbox where we used to unwind the day's stress... honey I hate walking that mile alone

I miss you the most when I have to organize the groceries in the refrigerator..the pleasure of watching you organize everything...honey I hate arranging things alone

I miss you the most when I look at our old apartment and the patio where we used to have tea together...and often stand there still looking at the sunset...honey I hate having tea alone

I miss you the most when I have to get water can filled from the vending machine..how you used to carry the 2 gallon jar and also listen me blabber the whole time...honey I hate going to the vending machine alone

I miss you the most when I cook...watching you cook within the record time and coming up with the best taste bud pleasing food...honey I hate cooking for me alone

I miss you the most when I finish office....going to an empty home looking at our pictures in our room beat the crap out of me...honey I hate calling my apt ..my home



And I miss you!!!!!

Being Stupid!!

This part of my life is called "Being Stupid", 2 years in a row. Now that's called BUMMER

Escape

There are days when all I think of is ESCAPE... escape from my work, escape from my family, escape from my friends, escape from my monotonous life...I feel like cutting strings just to find myself.."Who the Fuck am I" Am I forced to live this life or I choose to live this life..that's the big question on mind? I try to meditate everydays, it helps, it provides clarity...but my life pulls me back with all the problems gushing at me...I try to find my way often getting lost, often gasping for air, often trying to sail through... I am trying to grow ..I am growing...I need to grow more..All I need is some encouragement and pat on my back " Dude, you are doing gud, just hang on there" This is me with my confused state of mind.." Tough times don't last, tough people do" WTF

Biji

It’s strange but it happened to me. Today was my grandma’s (biji) 1st death anniversary. Where mom and dad were busy collecting all the stuff for the religious offerings, I was busy in my work life here oblivious of everything as usual. Only if I knew that biji is going to visit in my dreams and we will together traverse through all my childhood memories. Strange isn't it, haven't happened before and all of a sudden at her death anniversary, I saw the glimpses of the old house in Phillaur (Punjab) where biji pitaji lived and where my dad grew. Those algae laid walls of the balcony, those curly stairs where a slightest mistake could send you tumbling down, the mud floored room next to the kitchen which housed all the big drums full of goodies, the open kitchen where biji made hot paranthas for all her grandkids, the well in the middle of the compound which was usually empty to my utter dismay, the over friendly neighbors who always used to peep through the windows and practically offered no privacy, those old aunts who couldn't get tired of giving their blessings, those street hawkers who used to do rounds of the house knowing that the kids are home, those open sewage lanes, those bright sunny patios where the vegetables were dried ready to be fermented into yummy pickles. Feels like a Ruskin Bond novel but I vividly dreamt about all of that last night. Those quiet summer afternoons where there were no soap operas and only noise you heard was that of aunt’s knitting sweaters and kids sleeping in the patios and with flies buzzing around only woken up by the noise of pitaji's footsteps climbing stairs with bag full of hot samosas and jalebis. I still remember Phillaur's lanes walking with pitaji and greeting every uncle we met on our way with a Jai Hind salute.

Biji left us last year and it’s her first death anniversary today. In my remembrance of the time spent with biji and all the memories that she left behind, I wish her soul rest in peace and may she remain in our hearts, in our minds and in our dreams forever.

-Love
Anshul

(Picture of Biji and me during my weeding )

Struggles!! Really???

People go through struggles throughout their lives. End of one struggle marks way for another and another. At one point in time struggle to excel in boards, struggle to get class professional education, then to get a job, then to get married, then to buy a house, then to have kids, then to sustain relationships and even struggle in spiritual journey. The gist is if struggle hogs majority of our life span then why don't we embrace it and make it part of our mainstream life and not consider it as something external, something that we have to do "like extra" in order for us to progress. Why can't we just say that struggle is life and life is struggle, the sooner you accept, the sooner you achieve a sense of calm. Like for example, we spend a life time or may be a significant time to achieve something, lets say a dream career maybe. We set goals, create road maps and do all sorts of planning to achieve it. Throughout the journey our eyes are set towards the final destination and we call that our struggle phase. Now think about it, we ignore substantial life aiming for that goal…Ignore our family, friends and are genuinely tensed about the target. And then what happens when we really get it..Like in this case the dream job..Then what..maybe few minutes or few hrs of happiness and then start worrying about what next (relocation, new team, new assignment-yet another struggle)..really the cycle never ends...I am not trying to preach "pursuit of happiness" here but rather trying to relate the life that we have been blessed with and the struggles that we choose as "one". The journey towards a goal is what life is all about and not the goal itself. Most of us ignore precious moments of life running, trying to achieve and in that pursuit ignore what we already have, people who care for us and prayers that have been bestowed on us. Begin by accepting the fact that my problems today will be some other problems tomorrow, so lets not get bog down but rather treat the struggle of life as a new state of normalcy or as we professionals like to call it “BUSINESS AS USUAL”

-Cheers
Anshul

Sleepless in Phoenix

Ohhh I hate jet lags...Just when I thought I am on track..all caught up with sleep and boom the very next moment I am all awake at 3 AM ...alright 5 more hrs to hit the office and really can make use of the time I have..Have multiple things to do...Unpacking--that's a big one and then of course might indulge in pedicure or rather take the effort to cook some food. Well cooking food always brings a smile on my face.Actually I am not the world's greatest cook but I think I cook decently. Well but let me be honest here, I have always spread the rumors that I am a horrible cook and the only naive reason is that it brings people's expectation down and then they are often surprised after eating my cooked food. So that strategy always worked in my favor and mind you this was highlighted to me by my husband (as he always comments-Rampal tu badi smart bandi hain---asliyat kuchh aur image kuchh)..Now that I recently finished my grand vacation, I must admit that I am charged and very positive. Lets see how far I can take it before it fizzzzz out...

I so need to hit back to the gym and yes finish my toastmasters (2 more speeches to go)

Another promise to all my blogging fans (hahah number=0) I will be writing more frequently

adieu