Trying to find me before its too late

I am mom to a 2.5 year old and been a wife for almost 8 years now. I have had a great run so far but last few years, I have felt I lost, its not a particular moment but that feeling has lasted few years now. For me not having a sense of purpose in life is a big deal. Of course I have had moments when I have felt that I have a vision, I am marching towards it but alas that feeling never last for few days in a row. However until recently, I would say almost 2 months back, I feel like there has been a divine interference. Not trying to overstate things but I really feel that way. We have recently moved from Singapore to Seattle, its only been 3 months. I was perceiving this to be a huge change for several reasons. Firstly I loved Singapore, my job and my life. Had a full time helper meant I had a lot of time for myself, I could meet my family over a short flight and I was looking forward to starting my 2nd Post graduate degree at SMU however destiny had something else stored and we moved to Seattle end of Oct last year. With all the apprehensions , I was trying to gather myself to start a new life here , biggest change was sending my daughter to full 9 hours day care and getting hold of a new job. However  something happened around mid Dec , I felt like I listened to my calling. I just  made a simple change in my life and that was mediating was few minutes every night before I go to sleep. Meditation is bestowed to me by Mom and I should write another blog on that. I am so happy with all the positive changes that this simple thing has brought in my life. For starters, I feel energetic during the day and carry on my work life late in the night. It has become cyclic, since I am able to manage my work well , that brings a state of well being for me and motivates me further to not break the cycle of meditation. But more importantly, the constant dialogue of who am I and what defines me, my sense of purpose in life has become very clear. I don't have the answers to my true calling but , I feel I have set myself on the path where I will find the answer and I will follow my passion.

Learning

I have learnt that it's far more easy to think and continue to think and duhhhh think!!! Real happiness lies in taking the first step and then the rest is history

Alive

There are days when your time drives you..task after task, day goes by, weeks, months pass. And then there will be a day quiet unique from all other days when suddenly you are astounded by life, you feel this energy to do things that are pretty much out of your comfort zone, you read, you sing, eat, dance...just for that one day you feel ALIVE

I used to have those ALIVE days quiet often and then my over simplified life took in charge and months & months passed by..

I have dreams but often lack passion except for the day when I feel alive and feel like conquering all my fears, surging ahead and being truly honest to my own self

I know tomorrow will not be the same. It will be yet another day, yet another failed dream.. until the next moment of feeling high, let me bake in the glory of Today..it’s my day..it’s my victory

Thinking about dew drop morning, beautiful sun rise, long walk, cup of tea, poetry and you

The Anna Wave

In all the media frenzy, noise & facebook updates, I wonder whether we are all looking for one size fits all solution. We as a society are big believers in fairy tale stories. We are looking for that one hero that will come and solve all our problems. Again keeping my critical faculties alive and not getting washed away by the masses, I wonder whether passing Lokpal bill or any other anti corruption bill for that matter will fix the broken system.
It’s my own personal view that if we are really looking for a change and want to fix the system, then we should adopt civilized means, choose our representative who can fight the elections against these big political dynasties and actually run the government and bring real “Change”. We talk about the big IT hub, the grey matter capital, why can't we really fix the problems in our own nation as we are trying to fix the problems of the big fortune 500 corporate. What is our hope in next elections if for example Congress does not win? The other options we have are BJP and the so called pseudo regional parties. This is the grimmest situation ever for a nation of 1.2 billion.
Anna, you are a hero for millions. I am sorry but I don’t believe that by passing the lokpal bill is any good if the government will continue to remain in the hands of people with fabricated pasts and malign intentions

And I miss you

7 long months...What a feat!!

I miss you the most when I need someone to wake me up...flip the blinds and let some light in...honey I hate waking up alone

I miss you the most when I have to check the mailbox ..the walk to the mailbox where we used to unwind the day's stress... honey I hate walking that mile alone

I miss you the most when I have to organize the groceries in the refrigerator..the pleasure of watching you organize everything...honey I hate arranging things alone

I miss you the most when I look at our old apartment and the patio where we used to have tea together...and often stand there still looking at the sunset...honey I hate having tea alone

I miss you the most when I have to get water can filled from the vending machine..how you used to carry the 2 gallon jar and also listen me blabber the whole time...honey I hate going to the vending machine alone

I miss you the most when I cook...watching you cook within the record time and coming up with the best taste bud pleasing food...honey I hate cooking for me alone

I miss you the most when I finish office....going to an empty home looking at our pictures in our room beat the crap out of me...honey I hate calling my apt ..my home



And I miss you!!!!!

Being Stupid!!

This part of my life is called "Being Stupid", 2 years in a row. Now that's called BUMMER